Christmas Cheer & Tender Care
One day a couple of months ago I was going about my business and was caught completely unawares by a Christmas song being played exceptionally early in an interiors shop.
I wasn’t prepared for it. The lyrics hit me straight in the heart, and I found myself tearing up. I hadn’t yet braced myself for the onslaught of Christmas cheer.
As many of us do, I navigate my way through life holding grief in one hand, and gratitude in the other.
I am deeply grateful for all I have, and at the same time I carry disappointments, losses, and heartbreak.
This paradox is nothing special, it is simply a fact-of-life for us humans.
During the Christmas Season we are surrounded by images, songs, and stories, of the perfect family, the purest love, and the most beautiful, divine, and holy mother and child.
Not all of our lives reflect these images, nor do the lyrics of the songs ring true.
Everything changes of course. As the years go by, we move from one phase of life to the next. New arrivals bring immense joy, fun, and amusement to the Christmas celebration. Empty seats which we wish were still filled seem even emptier than they do on an ordinary, unexalted day.
Some years are particularly joyous, while others are particularly poignant.
In a year which has rocked so many of us to the core, and which has been a particularly lonely, isolating, and emotionally exhausting year, we would do well to move very gently, sensitively, and kindly into environments with others.
This year has presented different losses for people in different situations and life stages.
We all need love, affection, and a safe embrace more than ever. We desperately crave all that our favourite Christmas songs broadcast, and yet we are not the perfect people in the picture-perfect Christmas cards, and nor are our loved ones.
I mediated an argument over the Christmas dinner table yesterday regarding how optimistic one sibling wanted to be about 2021, versus how realistic another wanted to be. Neither was right or wrong of course, but the optimist (John) felt particularly attached to his need and determination to be positive for the year ahead.
He could not face the thought of another year so devoid of what keeps him feeling purposeful and energised. He did not care about or for my sister’s rational view. His opinion is of course justified, as are his emotional boundaries.
I am forever in awe of John’s emotional boundaries. He does not stay quiet or back down. He stands up for his heart.
He also very fortunately has a lifelong ally who will defend his corner following the slightest glance or eyebrow raise in her direction. I wish I had one of those!
Personally, I am exhausted. I found the role of space holder, mediator, and peacekeeper to be more than my own heart could bear this year, and I don’t have John’s emotional boundaries.
I think the larger numbers at Christmas festivities often contribute to good behaviour, and so I may not be the only diplomat who felt the strain of the restricted numbers this year!
We have been SO resilient all year, and at this stage our resilience buckets are close to empty.
We must mind ourselves (first and foremost, so that we are not the ones hurting others), and we must also be exceptionally mindful of the feelings of others, of just how vulnerable, sensitive, and weary some people are feeling, and understandably so.
In the spirit of the beautiful words from Silent Night, let’s go tenderly, and let’s keep the emotional tone mild.
Wishing you all a very Happy Christmas!